Sad panda

I am too sad about last night's blog to blog tonight :(

Grand Poobah Bunnybe

So today I officially declare myself the Grand Poobah Bunnybe. (that's right you heard me) And why may you ask do I make this official declaration? Well for two reasons really. The first being that my bloggy page views have now surpassed that of my last blog: Fly Baby Bunnybe with less than half as many posts. How cool is that? People are actually reading what I am writing! Also on a cool facts note, 24 people from Russia, 5 people from Germany and 2 people from South Korea have looked at my blog page. Pretty trippy huh? It kinda makes me wonder what these strangers think as they read my randomness. I mean really, all things considered, I feel like if you don't know me, then my blog wouldn't interest you very much. Now granted I would totally love to be proven wrong in that assumption and all of a sudden have all kinds of people I have never met reading and loving and sharing my blog, but I can't even get more than 55 people to look at my blog in one day so....ya. That is my next goal, by the way. To get more than 60 people to look at my blog in one day. So maybe it will be today. You should all make my day and go tell everyone you know on all of those crazy options for social media that you are members of, that they should read my blog and then give them a link. And just in case you need a little more incentive other than it would make me wildly happy here is a picture of a ridiculously adorable lamb.

This is also pretty much exactly what I will look like if I happen to get more than 60 page views today. I will even take a picture of myself doing my best to look like this little sheepy and post it for you, my dear readers. Anywho, on to what I actually wanted to talk about and a little less about the trivial facts about my blog.

The 2nd reason I declare myself Grand Poobah is because I found like the holy grail of coloring books (at least for ME.) Now that may seem a little silly coming out of the mouth of a 30 year old but coloring is one of those things that I absolutely love to do. It especially helps me on days when I am really upset or just need to get out of my head for a little bit. It works just as well if you are in a really good mood too because coloring is super fun! If you don't believe me print out a coloring sheet (there are some really nifty ones HERE) and grab some colored pencils or markers or whatever is handy and get coloring. I am all about the things that bring back the wonder and magic of childhood and what is better than all these amazing things that you can make any color you want? Things that you might never see in real life, things that you always wished you could see in real life. If you are even more creative I bet you came up with stories to match the fairies and crazy colored animals , now didn't you? Well, I am hoping by now that you have seriously thought of doing some coloring, and after all that rambling I am actually going to show you the holy grail of my coloring books.

Now as you can see this has 3 of my favoritist things ever all combined in one glorious book of awesome. First you have Disney princesses, second you have them getting married, third there are SPARKLY stickers. I am a bit of a Disney princess fanatic. My personal princess is Sleeping Beauty, and all of my nearest and dearest friends have their own personal princesses as well. Then there is the fact that I am a wedding nut. I love weddings. When I am truly having the worst of days I buy a wedding magazine, even though I am not currently engaged to be married or anything (sad huh?) Last but not least there are things that are sparkly that you can attach to other things. I mean this book just doesn't get any cooler. Too bad I am flat broke :( The holy grail is not yet mine. So if anyone wants to buy it for me I will do the happy dance of joy just for you.

So there you have it boys and squirrels. I am the Grand Poobah and should be addressed as so (at least until I come up with some other ridiculous name for myself!)

Hmmm

So I have absolutely no excuse for not writing a real blog tonight because I have all kinds of random things I wanted to write about. But the fact of the matter is that instead I am going to eat taquitos and watch Jason play castlevania before I crash into hopefully nightmare free dreams. So until tomorrow trusty readers. Good day.





I say good day!

Shots!

So to continue along with yesterday's theme I give you this music video:

 This came on the radio the other day and I forgot how much I love this song when I feel like going out and drinking and partying. And then I realized that that pretty much never happens for me anymore. I used to go out all the time. There pretty much wasn't a weekend when there wasn't drinking and dancing and going out and basically partying all the time. Now granted there is no way in HELL that I want that lifestyle anymore. I am definitely way too old for that, plus its expensive, and drinking that much is horrible for that whole weight issue that I seem to be constantly battling. But every once in a while? Now that would be awesome. To actually find something in my closet that made me feel like a sexy thang, go out dancing and drinking and not have to worry about driving home or being at work or can I afford another drink would be pretty damn magical. I mean all things considered I'm not old and I know that TV isn't real life but isn't that what all the people my age are doing in all those TV shows? Or have I missed out on that age range? I mean here it is Saturday night and the big thing that I did was go to Fred Meyer so that we could get some Draino for our stupid tub that likes to be a wading pool while you shower. Look out now! The wild times are raging at my pad! Wooheee! Maybe I should just resign myself to being old. But I swear to you that if I break out the rocking chair on the front porch and start watching the weather channel any time in the next like 30 years, you all have my complete permission to SHOOT ME

Addictions Are Strange

So there has always been a bit of a fear of me having an addictive personality. There has been some of that behavior in some of my family members and so it was always a bit worrisome that it might head on down my way. And really for the most part it hasn't been a problem. At least not in the traditional sense. I never got into drugs and even when I was drinking like every night in college, it was absolutely no problem for me to just stop. But then there are the other kinda weird obsessions/addictions. The one I like the most is that I am a bookworm. I am completely addicted to reading. Like I can't get rid of my books without having severe separation anxiety. How loony is that? And then there is the TV addiction. I get hooked on a show and it like takes over my life. And when its over its like losing a friend. It's awful!! But I know I am at least not alone in that one. The most recent one that for some strange reason I can't seem to stop watching (even though I keep thinking that I REALLY should) is Extreme Couponers. That show is absolutely RIDICULOUS. These people basically have jobs clipping coupons and planning their shopping trips. And I can't stop watching them, even when 99% of them say the same damn thing at the same damn time in every damn show. I finally have found a reason for extreme couponing that I can get behind. It's all about the wedding shopping. This woman was having a wedding for 280 people and had $150 to buy food for the caterer and they bought like $900 with money left over from the $150. Dude, that's the way to go. So I hereby announce that for my wedding I will figure out how to extreme coupon that one and only time and save a bazillion dollars. So there, be prepared. Anyways, enough of that. The one addiction that I really think could be the worst is video games. I get absolutely sucked in and lose pieces of my life. I made the mistake of buying Legend of Zelda Wind Waker for my Gamecube (yea I tend to like old school games way better than any of the new stuff) and today alone I lost probably 6 hours of the day. Where did they go? Pffffftttt GONE. When I used to play Civilization 3 on the computer, DAYS WOULD GO BUY. So ya boys and girls, apparently the moral to this story is that drugs and alcohol aren't the real dangers is my life, video games and ridiculous TV shows are. So, there you go. Be on the lookout!

Helllllllloooooo nurse!

Hey boys and gals I'm not feeling well so ya tomorrow. Not that anyone really notices if I'm writing or not soooo ya

Pass On the Goodness

So I am totally brain dead this evening and don't have anything interesting to post about so instead I am going to pass you along to my wonderful friend's blog. You guys should all go and look at Rowan's blog. She has some amazing things to say and is WAY more eloquent than I will ever be. So go HERE and read about all of her goodness.

And just because it is one of the best pics ever and makes me laugh every time, and is pretty much how I feel right now here is a ridiculous picture for you.

Swimmy jelly goodness

So I went and did the second session of my swimming workout with my swimming buddies Lyssa and Benjudah tonight. We did pretty awesome if I do say so myself. We started out doing 500 yards last week and set a goal for 600 today. We, being incredibly awesome, did 650 instead. Boom baby! And apparently we are note worthy because after two trips the staff there knew who we were and were cracking jokes with us. I think my favorite part was as we were leaving. I proclaimed that we were swimming buddies and while swimming I get to be the little mermaid who is not my normal disney princess. It was then decided that Benjudah was clearly Sebastian and Lyssa was scuttle. It was later decided that she is much less of a scuttle and much more of an Ursula so Lyssa is a fat sea witch octopus thingy heehee. Anyways all of this Disney talk les to the absolute need for disney songs to be sung on the way home. In particular ones featuring Sebastian so that Benjudah can brush up on his accent. All in all I think that we are a rather epic group of swimming buddies and I personally cannot wait for Thursday for round three!

And now for some Disney that is way screwed up but supremely awesome. GO HERE NOW

Cards Against Humanity: Family Style

Sorry I have been absent the past couple of nights. I think it is safe to say that I will most likely miss a day every week. I am going to try not to but I usually write in the evening and stuff happens. Life and all that good stuff. Like last night for instance. Jason and I happened to have the same weekend this week and it turned out that Sunday night was our Friday night. And we have been homebodies lately and decided it was time for something other than sitting at home watching tv and playing video games. So I texted the fam and we figured out that we would make the treacherous (heehee) trip out to the island. So we braved the Seattle freeways, conquered the Washington State Ferry and dominated the twisty, turny, back roads of Vashon to finally reach my mom's house. Phew! I feel kinda like there should be some over the river and threw the woods stuff in there, but I suppose that ferries and back roads are close enough. Anywho, after a wonderful home cooked dinner from my mommy (that was only SLIGHTLY too full of weird veggies, her boyfriend is a GAG!!! vegetarian! gasp!) we got down to the good stuff. And the good stuff happened to be my favorite game. It's called Cards Against Humanity (which you can buy HERE) and is basically the much more adult, much more f*!&ed up version of Apples to Apples. If for some strange reason you have played neither of these games the idea is simple. Everyone gets 10 "answer cards" which have (horrible) things on them, at least for the Cards Against Humanity version which shall now be referred to as CAH) and for each round one person draws a "question" card, for lack of better name, and reads it out loud. All the other players then pick the card from their answers that they think the reader will like the best and place it face down in a pile. Once everyone has played their cards the reader must then read them all aloud and pick their favorite. The question card then goes to whoever player's card he picked and whoever has won the most question cards at the end of the game wins. Get it? So for a CAH example one of the question cards is "what's that smell?!" some answers that I have seen "a super soaker full of cat pee" or "having sex on top of a pizza" or "two midgets s*!&ing in a bucket." Do you get the idea? The answers tend to be rather screwed up in a ridiculously funny way and if they are less screwed up they tend to get screwed up by what question they are a response to.

Now that all of you kiddies out there get the idea and are DYING to buy the game for yourself so you to can have some horribly raunchy, NOT politically correct fun with your friends and family, I am going to tell you about my experience with MY family. First off I have to say that my sister is currently 17 and whereas I am used to her speaking and acting and thinking like a normal teenager, my mom is still holding on to her denial about it. And for that matter I am 30 and it has only been rather recently where I have stopped censoring 95% of the stuff coming out of my mouth when around my mom. Then there is her boyfriend Steve who is big on puns but tends to have a bit of a naive-esque feeling to him. I'm not sure why that is, but it's just the vibe that I get. Then there is Jason, my twin-from-another-mother Gen, my surrogate dad M. and myself, who, to put it mildly, are some sick puppies. So you take this half innocent seeming group and smoosh em together with us sickos and give them a horribly wrong game to play and the result is A-FREAKING_MAZING. I have to say I don't think I have had more fun with my family than I did last night. The things that were coming out of people's mouths and brains were shocking! Especially from my mom! And I know that it is so incredibly wrong, but making my sister read these horrible, horrible cards as she turned more and more hot pink was EPIC. Now I do have to throw in a disclaimer here because MOST families would probably NOT enjoy a game night like this. My family tends to be a little out in left field (I mean really, if you know me at all would you expect anything less from my family??) where this kinda thing sounds like a bad idea but turns out to be the best thing ever. Other families with slightly more, delicate, constitutions will want to back away slowly and not make any sudden moves ;)

So that was my epic evening last night. I wish I could remember more of the horrible card combinations that we came up with but with the laughing so hard that my stomach, mouth and cheeks hurt, I went into laughing overload and remember very little specifics. There is one though that sticks out terribly in my mind seeing as this is the saying going around with teenagers these days and it goes like such... "It's not rape if you yell surprise..." Puts a whole new spin on surprise parties huh? o.O

Eeeek

Tomorrow I promise! Full of epicness from tonight!

Lastwear

"Lastwear. When the apocalypse comes, you'll want to be dressed for it." As Rowan was so wonderful to point out I do technically have a career. I work for Lastwear Clothing Company. And eventually once everyone else realizes how amazing Lastwear is, I will actually get paid for my career with them. So I figured that the best way for me to help along my career is for me to share Lastwear with all of you wonderful people in the hopes that you will share it with all the the other wonderful people that you know! So first off go to their website and check out their amazing clothing! Once you have done that go here and find out more about who we are. Now go like them on Facebook. I was going to send you to the Wiki page too but I can't seem to find it, so as soon as I can figure out what happened to it I will tell you guys!

Now that you have done that you will clearly have come to the conclusion that we make amazing clothing. Currently we tend to appeal mostly to the Steampunk audience, but our stuff branches out awesomely. AND even better we found out just recently that we are going to be on the runway for Bellevue Fashion Week. SQUEEEE!!! The show is at the end of September and you should all come see it, because I have seen the sketches that are coming from Rowan this show, and I have to say...OH MY GOD THEY ARE AMAZING. We are going in such a different-ish direction with this line that everyone is going to be clamoring to wear our stuff. Anywho, now I am going to post some amazing stuff and you are going to want to buy it all and tell all your friends about it so we can sell a bazillion things and you can say you know people that own a famous clothing company. That's right. You heard me :)

Draw My Life- Jenna Marbles

Ok so I know that I posted something from Jenna Marbles a little bit ago but currently her posts seem to be speaking my language (not to mention the fact that I pretty much want to  be her when I grow up.) If you haven't watched the video do that now....I'm waiting...did you do it? Ok, we are now on the same page. So she keeps going back to the Sad Jenna picture and that is what I am feeling like lately. Now don't get me wrong there are some really good things in my life, Jason of course being at the top of my list, but then there are all these other things that just keep digging at me.

The first thing that I have been struggling with for a few years now is mostly a society based obligation, for lack of better word. I really figured by the time that I was thirty that I would be married, have a neat house, and have a career and maybe be thinking about kids. You know that text book, cookie cutter, this is how your life should go, life. And I know that it is what society tells us we should have and that I don't need any of those things to be successful in my own life, but they are things that I WANT in my life. I am a hopeless romantic and there are times where I would give anything to be able to beat that notion out of my system, but alas I can't. And with these romantic notions floating around in my head are the need to find "the one." I want to be a Disney Princess and be madly in love and live happily ever after. And here I am not even close. Sigh. I  think part of the driving urge behind that is also the fact that I am kinda old fashioned. I want to do the whole get married, enjoy actually being married part and THEN have kids. And the older I get the less time I see for that whole enjoyment part. I don't want to have a late pregnancy. I want to still be reasonably young while raising my kid/kids. Once again, sigh.

And on to the career part, and I think this is the part that is bothering me the most, and really has been for the past several years. I really thought that by now I would have a career. I was even silly enough to think that I would have a career that I enjoy. And for three years I got stuck working a job that was never going to go anywhere doing something I didn't want to be doing because it was what I knew and I was just plain ole scared. Then I finally got the push that I needed and I branched out. I got off the rock. And I got a new job. And at first I thought, you know hey, this isn't really what I want to be doing but maybe I can find something within the company that I would like to do. And so I have been forcing myself to try to conform to this white collar, cookie cutter, corporate job. And I feel like I am losing myself. And the more and more I am trying to make this job work the less and less happy I am. And it is so damn hard because the people are fabulous, and the benefits are good, and there are so many options to move up and all I want to do is get out. I so desperately want to do something that I actually LIKE to do. But you know what the kicker is?? Everything that I actually LIKE to do, I am only GOOD at. And for most of the things that I like to do you have to be AMAZING at. And that pretty much leaves me on the outside looking in.

So here I am, floundering. Still desperately trying to figure out who I am and what am I going to do with my life. Sorry this wasn't really funny or entertaining. Mostly I just needed to get it out on "paper" and hope that maybe that will help me figure it out or something.

meh

hey boys and girls. sorry i didn't write last night but i got home way later than i thought i would. and tonight i am in a pretty cruddy mood so i am going to come back tomorrow with a hopefully better attitude and something not depressing to write about.

Big Fat Nuthin

Before I get into today's post I have to make sure that you all know and acknowledge the fact that I am a ROCK LEGEND. Rock band told me so :D

Today was a day full of a big fat nuthin. And it was supremely glorious! To take a full day and do absolutely nothing was so incredibly nice. I have had a lot of single days off lately and it has been really frustrating because I end up trying to relax and get all the stuff done that I need to all in the same day. And basically the whole time I am relaxing I feel guilty for not doing the stuff I am actually supposed to be doing. So this week I have two days off in a row! Hallelujah! So today I decided that both Jason and I were having a big fat nuthin day. So we rolled outta bed at the tender hour of 10:30 to have some breakfast and then promptly started playing video games. We each went to our separate game system to completely veg out. Jason is on his computer playing some Star Wars game and I got to break out the somewhat old school Gamecube! Woot! I got to enjoy sunshine all day. That's right I played me probably 6-7 hours of Super Mario Sunshine (that Richard was so awesome to let me borrow!!) I forgot just how much I LOVE that freaking game. It is kinda strange though cause it's all kinda fuzzy after all the HD stuff but that's all good in my mind. I have to say I am stoked that Richard let me borrow his game because I went online to try and buy my own copy and for a new copy...$185!!! Can you freaking believe that?!?! Stupid turning the Gamecube into a collector item. Grrr. So beyond the sunshiney goodness there were like 6 episodes of That 70s Show. Oh ya for melting my brain.

Then we move on to the fact that I wore my robe until like 4:00 where I got dressed for like half an hour. The getting dressed was all for the sake of a Wendy's frosty. That's right not only did I rot my brain all day but I let my inner fat kid run rampant. AWESOME.

So that concludes my riveting day full of NOTHING!!! I hope it was at least reasonably entertaining but since I rotted my brain all day I don't have high hopes. Don't worry I should be back on track tomorrow!

Rock band ahoy!!!

On hiatus to play rock band. With two of my favoritist people Lyssa and Jason. Will fill y'all in tomorrow. In case you were wondering I am now a ROCK LEGEND

Singing In The Rain

So it turns out that me posting about being a fat kid really brings in the readers. Even with that I am going to resist writing more blogs about being fat, at least for the moment. Who knows, maybe in a bit when I am feeling like you all have abandoned poor little ole me I will resort to pulling you in with fat kid confessions. Either that or when I am having one of those oh sweet jeebus everything I own looks horrible on me, I am a hippo of mass proportions days, then I will bust out the fatty blog to try to turn my outlook about it around. Ok, totally enough of that.

I was going to write a totally different, rather explicit in content, post from this one earlier today but instead I am going to blog about the mundane. That's right, it's time for the small talk. We are going to blog about the...WEATHER! yay!! Ok don't abandon me now avid readers, this is going to be more exciting than that. At least I hope o.O So today has been one of those weird cracked out weather days in Seattle. When I left the house this morning it was snowing/slushing or something. Then there was some sun, then there was some pouring down rain, then a couple blocks of mist, then some pouring down rain mixed with hail and by the time I got back was thunder and lightening. And in the midst of wishing for some sun so I can get rid of this pasty white "tan" I've got going on I desperately wished to be little again. Whenever it would actually rain in San Diego, like RAIN RAIN, not just some drizzle like was normal, I would go and grab the nearest umbrella and rush outside to sing the chorus of "Singing In The Rain" over and over while twirling my umbrella. As if that wasn't fun enough by the time I got around to high school El Nino was all the weather rage and there were constant warm weather rain showers. Since I mostly walked home those first couple of years I ended up doing a mad amount of puddle jumping. There is nothing quite so exciting as running full out and jumping as high as you can into a giant puddle. Wooosh! Water splashes everywhere. You are instantly soaked. And now there is absolutely no good reason NOT to jump in every puddle you find along the way. Then came today. I used an umbrella to get out of my car and walk to my front door because I hate getting my glasses wet. How lame is that??? With that lowly thought reeling through my mind I had a brilliantly redeeming moment. As I walked into the bedroom to put my stuff away there was a huge roll of thunder. My heart sped up in excitement and I had to resist the urge to run to the nearest window to try and see the lightening that had already passed. And there it was, that wonderful glimpse of the little kid that still runs rampant through my system. Yay! I love that little kid part of me. She is one of the main reasons that I am who I am. And it's one of the best parts of who I am.

So, to hopefully bring a little bit of your inner kid out to play on this wet and ridiculous Pacific Northwest day here is some good old fashioned musical singing and dancing!

p.s. don't let the man get you down! ;)

Junk Food Confessions

Well it turns out that the best views I have had so far were for my Fat Flower post so I am returning to the fat topic. So I definitely am having issues with my weight. I hate to say it but I am currently the heaviest I have ever been. This is lemme tell ya, hell on the ego. I mean if I think about it I have gained a stupid amount of weight since high school and I thought I was fat in high school so what does that tell you hmm??? I watched a Jenna Marbles video the other day that is kinda how I feel about this whole weight thing. I am pretty sure that it is all the fault of my inner fat kid which is what turned me into the outter fat kid. Hopefully with Jenna's help I can release my confessions into the universe I will be able to sate my inner fatty and get on with some weight losing or, I don't know, something. So, ya have some Jenna Marbles because she makes me really happy. Like, stupid happy.

Better Late Than Never

Alrighty avid readers, I know I have been bad the past couple of nights but I actually got off my butt Wednesday night and went out and then last night my stomach didn't feel good (and NOPE I am STILL not pregnant!) So today you get two for the price of one. I am posting this one right now for last night and I will post another one this evening (pretty sure it is going to involve a Jenna Marbles video so I am pretty excited about it!) Ok, enough excuses for me to try to assuage my guilt for letting you down the past couple of nights and on to the actual blog!

I am going to tell you about my first official outing as Ms. February. So last July I believe it was, I got the epic opportunity to model for the online magazine Guns And Lace (can you say SQUEEEEEE?) Another little fun tidbit about me is that I absolutely love shooting and have been learning with my surrogate dad, M. So when I found the casting call for Guns and Lace I took the chance and sent them an email saying "Pick Me!!! Pick MEEEEE!!!" (but definitely in much more professional terms.) Luckily for me they decided to give me a chance even though I didn't fit their size requirements and turns out they liked me! How cool is that? We did this amazing shoot together, had an absolute blast and I even managed not to pass out after shooting for four hours in a fur coat in the middle of July. WOOHOO! Then after months of waiting my spread was finally released in February and the feedback was AMAZING! Well, at least I think so! Who would have thought that there would be all these people out there who thought that I was sexy and attractive and all those other things that I constantly try to convince myself that I am? Needless to say that this resulted in a pretty epic ego boost. It also resulted in my poor boyfriend having to listen to me reading all these comments from strangers saying that I should be their Valentine and so on, but luckily he is amazing and realized how much it meant to me instead of getting bent outta shape. (Side note, he is one of those strange guys who isn't like "oh my god I'm dating a model!" if it was up to him he would probably prefer that I not do it but he understands what it means to me so he supports me in whole heartedly. Once again I can only reiterate how madly I am in love with that man) Anyways, the long and short of it is that I really enjoyed the whole Guns and Lace team, who are all related which I think is awesome. But then I haven't seen them since then. Which leads me to...

Wednesday evening: Guns and Lace Ladies Night in Redmond
I have been invited to several Guns and Lace things over the months but either scheduling, finances or straight out laziness/depression have gotten in the way of me attending any. So I get the email (and then the HEY YOU AREN'T ANSWERING ME SO NOW I AM CALLING YOU, YOU BETTER SHOW UP call) and decide that I am finally going to say yes. I am going to go out as Ms. February. This is kinda a big deal for me guys. I have to side track a bit from the outing to explain why this is a big deal.---->

If you have never had depression or insecurity issues you may not understand how hard it is to a lot of things. My depression has made me the absolute ruler on high of excuses NOT to do things. It can be something as simple and necessary as taking a freaking shower, or something fun and exciting like going out for ladies night. Yep you read that right, on pretty much a daily basis I have to convince myself to do the basic things for functioning like taking a shower. There is always some excuse for all of it: I'll do it tomorrow, I'm too tired, I won't know anybody there, I don't have any money, no one will like me....the list goes on and on and on. So for this particular outing you mix together all of those excuses with the insecurity of having people see me IN PERSON (which means I am not going to always be making my sexy face, and they will see me from *gasp* all angles, and there is NO TOUCHING UP) and you have one nervous wreck of a Ms. February. Now, back to the real story.

So after debating on what to wear and how to do my hair and is my make up ok and do I look fat and maybe I shouldn't go and it's too far of a drive and do I look fat again I finally left the house (probably much to Jason's pleasure after having to deal with that whole hot mess) and made my way there. I will throw in for your amusement my dumb girl driving embarrassment even though I said I wouldn't. So I make my way there with the help of my trusty gps and lo and behold there is a parking spot right in front of the restaurant, SWEET! Just one problem, it is a parallel parking spot, which I have no shame in saying that I absolutely suck at parallel parking. I decide to go for it anyways because the spot is pretty roomy and I have a teeny car and maybe I can just pull in normally and then back up to straighten up a bit. So as I am pulling in I realize that there is a window with lots of people that can see everything that I am doing and I completely lose track of what I am doing and....slam my tire into the curb in a massive way. At this point everyone is staring and I am so freaking embarrassed that I pulled back out and found a spot a block away. AWESOME. So back to the outing. I make my way in there and find that it is a Guns and Lace "family" event not a publicity type event like I was thinking it was going to be. Anxiety level lowers dramatically. Then it spikes once more as I realize that I only know two people there and holy crap what if everyone hates me?!? But I jumped in and you know what? Everyone was really nice and goofy and different and it was a BLAST. I actually did it. I went out with people I didn't know and had a good time. I was even sad to leave when usually I am counting down the minutes til I can politely leave. And now I can't wait for the next time!

So I guess the moral of today's story is that you never know what might happen. Things that you might dread may end up being amazing or good for you or all number of things. If nothing else today will introduce you to Guns and Lace which I am a big supporter of so go check it out now!

And have a picture of me from the shoot! Oh ya! And if you leave any comments please with Guns and Lace please only refer to me as Makenzie Mac! Thanks! See you all tonight!

Gone Shooting

Went out tonight. Will fill u all in tomorrow!! Goodnight!

Coming Of Age

So there is a certain something that happens in a young woman's life that should be part of the whole becoming a woman/coming of age talk but for some reason isn't. This missing piece of information that every young woman should know is this: as soon as you reach, I don't know, about your mid-twenties or so all of a sudden every single little thing that might be wrong with you automatically means that you are PREGNANT. It's this strange phenomenon that has been plaguing me now for several years and I just don't seem to understand. I suppose it has to do with the fact that generally around that age or so is when most women are starting families and all that good stuff but it doesn't mean that every ailment you have is a result of being pregnant. Oh your ankle is swollen (ignoring the fact that you hurt it) "are you pregnant?!?" your stomach/back/neck/pick a body part doesn't feel good "are you pregnant?!?" you have a headache "are you pregnant?!?" What is this about??? I have to say that it isn't just people who are out to get me with the pregnancy thoughts, it's the internet too. So a few days ago at work I had this weird metallic taste in my mouth for no reason and it wouldn't go away. My manager J. noticed me going back and forth to grab a drink and so I told her what was going on with this weird taste in my mouth. She decides to look up what would cause metallic mouth (as I like to think about it) on the web. Thankfully it did not say that I had cancer or was dying as is usually the case when you try to self-diagnose on the computer. On the other hand, what it did say as the leading cause for strange metallic mouth is....you guessed it.... PREGNANCY. So apparently even the computer has decided that I am in the midst of my child bearing years and am obviously wasting them by not being pregnant. Oy vay. I would like to ease everyone's minds right now (except perhaps my grandpa who would REALLY like great-grandbabies) that I am not pregnant. I do guarantee you, my avid readers, a in depth recounting of my pregnancy when it does happen. So fear not! You will be some of the first to know!

Fat Flower Part Deux

Alrighty I figure I should explain the "to be continued" from yesterday. So two more things that are good to know about me: I LIVE for dancing (and I miss it like crazy every single minute) and I also model. Dancing wise I did ballet for about 8 years and ballroom for about 5 or so. I haven't danced for a little over a year or so and it drives me crazy to not be doing it (but the serious lack of funding inhibits makes this a necessity.) Modeling wise I have been doing it for almost 2 years and I really love it even though most of the time I am totally faking it. Now this is all just the back up information that you need to know about the whole fat flower thing and several of you are going to be annoyed at me for this but its just how it is so meh :P

So in pretty much all of my group of friends I am the largest person. Granted I'm not huge or anything but I am definitely uncomfortable with my weight and I happen to hang out with dancers and models which equals skinny pretty people. So in the whole dance thing we do the Nutcracker every year, and in the Nutcracker is the Waltz of the Flowers. Which is beautiful and we always have the pretty, super flowy costumes and everyone looks amazing. And then there is me...I am the fat flower amongst the gorgeous willowy skinny flowers. When it comes to dancing I feel like this :
Whereas I am pretty sure that I actually look like this:

Anywho, this leads me to my fat flower moment from yesterday. So I went to the Lasthouse to do a photo shoot wearing fabulous clothing from DNA fashio with the amazing Lyssa and Rowan with Travers taking photos. And I got the day started off because I was the first one that was ready and as we are shooting Travers is showing the photos (many of which were AWESOME) and he is making appreciate noises as he is shooting and all of those good things. And then Ro starts to shoot and her stuff is phenomenal. And everyone is oohing and aahing and so forth and so on. Then Lyssa starts shooting and the same thing goes. The very first shot she takes is one of the best out of the set. And here I am realizing that I am once again the fat flower. I am here with these two absolutely stunning people trying to keep up and I'm just not in their league. This just keeps going through my head over and over. This event that should be amazing is marred because of MY insecurities. Here I am taking gorgeous photos and all I can think about is just once how nice it would be to be even somewhere close to how skinny and gorgeous they are. They always say that we are our harshest critics and it's so very true. It's something that I fight with on a constant basis. It's something I am trying to work on (not very successfully mind you but hey, who's perfect??) So, here is the result. You be the judge :)

The Fat Flower

To be continued...tomorrow....cause I am POOPED O.o

The Promised Land

Alrighty boys and girls its time for the long awaited (a whopping three days) "get to know me" post. So for any of you out there that don't know me, which I'm pretty sure there aren't any of you that don't but oh well, this is the all about me. Who knows, maybe some of this will be more than you know about me causse I'm not really gonna hold much back here. I'm going through a pretty interesting time in my little bubble and apparently I am going to write about it and for me to write about and not be constantly explaining things you have to have an idea about me. Soooo, ya, enough stalling, her goes.

My name is Lissy, I am (siiiiiiigggggghhhhhh) 30 years old and I live in Seattle. The Seattle thing is reasonably new. I moved off of my little island about 6 months ago and am once again braving the real world. If any of you have lived in small town USA then imagine that times about a billion since you could only get to the island by ferry. Needless to say it is a whole different universe full of almost NOTHING to do. Everyone knows everyone and everyone's business. It became my safe place and when I moved in with my mom for various reasons I quickly found myself in a major safety blanket... RUT. So after a wonderfully crafty push from my mom (which luckily ended up with her being in a really great place) I found a tiny little apartment all for me and my kitty maow. That lasted for about 4 months until my honey and I got sick of commuting back and forth to each others houses (which were almost exactly a mile away from each other) and we moved into a bigger apartment in the same complex. Weeeee! Who has her very own guest bedroom baby?!?

All of that leads me to my love life and my honey. For once in my life I have an awesome, healthy love life. How cool is that? Jason and I have been together now for almost a year and its still amazing. This whole actual adult relationship thing can't be beat! We are figuring out the whole living together thing which is great because I was worried that it could become a bit of a nightmare. See, technically we shouldn't make sense. We are so completely different from each other that we were either destined to love each other or despise one another. Luckily for me it turned into love. And with that love comes all the cool things that are supposed to be there; caring, understanding, support, you name it.

Which leads me nicely into the main thing that is going on in my bubble. It's kind of hard to type after trying to pretend it doesn't exist for so long but this blog is gonna be all or nothing for me so read on. I have pretty major depression issues. I'm sure this comes as no shock to some of you (seeing as it got hard for me to put the "everything is good" mask on for awhile) but it's not something I usually go on about to anyone but my inner circle. It's something that I have tried to deal with for a long time and sometimes it gets worse, sometimes it gets tolerable, sometimes it is mostly non-existent. I have kind of half heartedly gotten help along the years but really nothing that I was serious about (hence the half heartedly??? how redundant am I??) Anywho, about a year and a half ago it got so bad that I stopped eating, for like, four days...NOT GOOD (especially since usually when I get depressed I eat, then I feel fat which makes me more depressed so I eat some more, see the vicious cycle?) So I got help. I saw a doctor, we talked about my issues and I got a prescription to help me deal with all the stuff that I just CAN'T do on my own. And now I talk about it a bit more, I explain what's going on with me, and I ask for help when I need it. Which in a long-winded way is where Jason ties in with all of this. He has been amazing in supporting me through all of this. And he hasn't run screaming yet after all the times I am all of a sudden bawling for absolutely no reason!

Anyways, those are the key points in my life. I have a new job too but I've been typing for a while and I feel like I have used up my crative/witty juices for the day. Hopefully this was reasonably entertaining, since really that is the point of this. I want to entertain y'all as I blabber on about my life (how else am I gonna get more than 7 followers unless I am entertaining!!!!!) So, ya, hopefully none of the rest of you feel the need to run screaming from my particular brand of crazy, and hopefully you only gagged a little as I got all ooey-gooey about my relationship. Fear not avid readers! I promise an ooe-gooey free post on the morrow!

Round Two

Well, I was going to make this blog my "hey get to know me" blog but something kinda more interesting (at least in my mind) came up today so I feel like I should write about that instead. Soooo, be prepared my lovelies for some insight and such. So occasionally, and the cynical part of me wants to stress the OCCASIONALLY part, something comes along that helps you deal with things that might have been getting to the point where you can't handle them anymore or that they are pushing you closer and closer to the edge. I hate to say that I was reaching that point with my (new) job. There were just too many little, and sometimes big, things building up. It felt like they just kept piling up higher and higher until I left work sobbing about a week ago (which equals a REALLY bad idea in Friday rush hour traffic.) Now granted part of that is that I am a bit more emotional than normal lately (I promise to explain in my get to know me blog) but there was all the other work stuff too. And then the silver lining, or the rainbow after the rain storm? I don't know, insert your own inspirational poster crappy tag line here. My manager, I'm going to call her J., at work is amazing. And yes, sometimes I get mad at her too for things that aren't necessarily her fault (no hour schedules when the hotel is all of a sudden slow SUCK!!!!) but all in all she is amazing. I feel like she is a quirky combination of myself and my cousin Laura. Anyhoo, today was a bit busy and a bit stressful seeing as how it was my first day in my new position pretty much on my own, and J. keeps talking about this thing with some name I can't understand that I need to do today. "Rachel already did it, you need to do it, are you ready now, you'll find out what is when you do it...." I'm thinking this is some sort of training or something and then I get really confused when she says that the blanket in the office is for this thing I have to do. Whaaaaaaaat? Ok I am now completely lost. But, the time finally comes when I can be spared at the front desk for awhile so I go in the office and am told that first I must go choose the milk of my choice from our market. Single serve bottle of 2% milk in hand and I am ready to find out WHAT THE BLEEP is going on. I am then told to sit down, wrap up in the blanket AND.........pour myself a bowl of cereal to eat while I watch the cartoon of my choosing on her IPAD. J. gave us the opportunity to WATCH SATURDAY MORNING CARTOONS AT WORK. How freaking cool is that? It made my whole day. It restored my faith in my job. I remembered how much I like the people there. So I guess the moral behind all of this (if there really is one, I mostly just wanted to say how awesome it was) is that the smallest things can have a big impact on somebody. And one of my personal life guidelines, don't grow up. I am a firm believer in this one. Yes you can be an adult and go to work and pay your bills and be in happy adult relationships with friends and lovers and all that. But don't lose the kid in you! Make sure to do the fun and the goofy and spontaneous. Believe in magic and all the things we stop believing in as we get older. So, that got a bit more inspirationally than I really meant for it to but it's something that means the world to me. SO! I challenge you all to put on your favorite pjs and wake up tomorrow, pour yourself a bowl of your favorite cereal and eat it while watching you favorite cartoon (probably on Netflix cause cartoons these days are horrendous!!!!!)

Once Upon A Time

Hello boys and girls! After a (VERY) extended absence I am back! I know, I know. Your life is once again complete, feel free to shower your gratitude down upon me!!! ;) I went back and re-read my other blog (you should check it out by the way)and realized how much I enjoyed blogging and also that it helped me to see things in a different, usually more positive, way. So that is what I am hoping to achieve here. Plus I will get to share my life and adventures with people (hopefully more than just 7 this time!)that I know and care about, or people that I don't know who may just enjoy my ridiculousness. So ya, go tell your friends, shout it from the mountaintops, since I suppose that I must bow to the digital era...tweet it, that Bunnybe is back and this should be interesting!