I am going to tell you about my first official outing as Ms. February. So last July I believe it was, I got the epic opportunity to model for the online magazine Guns And Lace (can you say SQUEEEEEE?) Another little fun tidbit about me is that I absolutely love shooting and have been learning with my surrogate dad, M. So when I found the casting call for Guns and Lace I took the chance and sent them an email saying "Pick Me!!! Pick MEEEEE!!!" (but definitely in much more professional terms.) Luckily for me they decided to give me a chance even though I didn't fit their size requirements and turns out they liked me! How cool is that? We did this amazing shoot together, had an absolute blast and I even managed not to pass out after shooting for four hours in a fur coat in the middle of July. WOOHOO! Then after months of waiting my spread was finally released in February and the feedback was AMAZING! Well, at least I think so! Who would have thought that there would be all these people out there who thought that I was sexy and attractive and all those other things that I constantly try to convince myself that I am? Needless to say that this resulted in a pretty epic ego boost. It also resulted in my poor boyfriend having to listen to me reading all these comments from strangers saying that I should be their Valentine and so on, but luckily he is amazing and realized how much it meant to me instead of getting bent outta shape. (Side note, he is one of those strange guys who isn't like "oh my god I'm dating a model!" if it was up to him he would probably prefer that I not do it but he understands what it means to me so he supports me in whole heartedly. Once again I can only reiterate how madly I am in love with that man) Anyways, the long and short of it is that I really enjoyed the whole Guns and Lace team, who are all related which I think is awesome. But then I haven't seen them since then. Which leads me to...
Wednesday evening: Guns and Lace Ladies Night in Redmond
I have been invited to several Guns and Lace things over the months but either scheduling, finances or straight out laziness/depression have gotten in the way of me attending any. So I get the email (and then the HEY YOU AREN'T ANSWERING ME SO NOW I AM CALLING YOU, YOU BETTER SHOW UP call) and decide that I am finally going to say yes. I am going to go out as Ms. February. This is kinda a big deal for me guys. I have to side track a bit from the outing to explain why this is a big deal.---->
If you have never had depression or insecurity issues you may not understand how hard it is to a lot of things. My depression has made me the absolute ruler on high of excuses NOT to do things. It can be something as simple and necessary as taking a freaking shower, or something fun and exciting like going out for ladies night. Yep you read that right, on pretty much a daily basis I have to convince myself to do the basic things for functioning like taking a shower. There is always some excuse for all of it: I'll do it tomorrow, I'm too tired, I won't know anybody there, I don't have any money, no one will like me....the list goes on and on and on. So for this particular outing you mix together all of those excuses with the insecurity of having people see me IN PERSON (which means I am not going to always be making my sexy face, and they will see me from *gasp* all angles, and there is NO TOUCHING UP) and you have one nervous wreck of a Ms. February. Now, back to the real story.
So after debating on what to wear and how to do my hair and is my make up ok and do I look fat and maybe I shouldn't go and it's too far of a drive and do I look fat again I finally left the house (probably much to Jason's pleasure after having to deal with that whole hot mess) and made my way there. I will throw in for your amusement my dumb girl driving embarrassment even though I said I wouldn't. So I make my way there with the help of my trusty gps and lo and behold there is a parking spot right in front of the restaurant, SWEET! Just one problem, it is a parallel parking spot, which I have no shame in saying that I absolutely suck at parallel parking. I decide to go for it anyways because the spot is pretty roomy and I have a teeny car and maybe I can just pull in normally and then back up to straighten up a bit. So as I am pulling in I realize that there is a window with lots of people that can see everything that I am doing and I completely lose track of what I am doing and....slam my tire into the curb in a massive way. At this point everyone is staring and I am so freaking embarrassed that I pulled back out and found a spot a block away. AWESOME. So back to the outing. I make my way in there and find that it is a Guns and Lace "family" event not a publicity type event like I was thinking it was going to be. Anxiety level lowers dramatically. Then it spikes once more as I realize that I only know two people there and holy crap what if everyone hates me?!? But I jumped in and you know what? Everyone was really nice and goofy and different and it was a BLAST. I actually did it. I went out with people I didn't know and had a good time. I was even sad to leave when usually I am counting down the minutes til I can politely leave. And now I can't wait for the next time!
So I guess the moral of today's story is that you never know what might happen. Things that you might dread may end up being amazing or good for you or all number of things. If nothing else today will introduce you to Guns and Lace which I am a big supporter of so go check it out now!
And have a picture of me from the shoot! Oh ya! And if you leave any comments please with Guns and Lace please only refer to me as Makenzie Mac! Thanks! See you all tonight!
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