Fat Flower Part Deux

Alrighty I figure I should explain the "to be continued" from yesterday. So two more things that are good to know about me: I LIVE for dancing (and I miss it like crazy every single minute) and I also model. Dancing wise I did ballet for about 8 years and ballroom for about 5 or so. I haven't danced for a little over a year or so and it drives me crazy to not be doing it (but the serious lack of funding inhibits makes this a necessity.) Modeling wise I have been doing it for almost 2 years and I really love it even though most of the time I am totally faking it. Now this is all just the back up information that you need to know about the whole fat flower thing and several of you are going to be annoyed at me for this but its just how it is so meh :P

So in pretty much all of my group of friends I am the largest person. Granted I'm not huge or anything but I am definitely uncomfortable with my weight and I happen to hang out with dancers and models which equals skinny pretty people. So in the whole dance thing we do the Nutcracker every year, and in the Nutcracker is the Waltz of the Flowers. Which is beautiful and we always have the pretty, super flowy costumes and everyone looks amazing. And then there is me...I am the fat flower amongst the gorgeous willowy skinny flowers. When it comes to dancing I feel like this :
Whereas I am pretty sure that I actually look like this:

Anywho, this leads me to my fat flower moment from yesterday. So I went to the Lasthouse to do a photo shoot wearing fabulous clothing from DNA fashio with the amazing Lyssa and Rowan with Travers taking photos. And I got the day started off because I was the first one that was ready and as we are shooting Travers is showing the photos (many of which were AWESOME) and he is making appreciate noises as he is shooting and all of those good things. And then Ro starts to shoot and her stuff is phenomenal. And everyone is oohing and aahing and so forth and so on. Then Lyssa starts shooting and the same thing goes. The very first shot she takes is one of the best out of the set. And here I am realizing that I am once again the fat flower. I am here with these two absolutely stunning people trying to keep up and I'm just not in their league. This just keeps going through my head over and over. This event that should be amazing is marred because of MY insecurities. Here I am taking gorgeous photos and all I can think about is just once how nice it would be to be even somewhere close to how skinny and gorgeous they are. They always say that we are our harshest critics and it's so very true. It's something that I fight with on a constant basis. It's something I am trying to work on (not very successfully mind you but hey, who's perfect??) So, here is the result. You be the judge :)